Cuban doctors announced on Wednesday that they had succesfully performed the first sphincter transplant in history. Cuba's leading surgeon, Pedro Macho, described the process which involved a goat's anus and lots of chewing gum. "Upon hearing the plight of our fellow countryman Rita the goat breada, we were determined that he would one day be able to control his bowels once again" the doctor said. "The sphincter commonly known as the anus was destroyed as you well know. We used several of Rita's goats as anus donors but success has been limited however due to their poor sphincter tone." Recovering from the extensive surgery, Rita spoke to the media only briefly. "As you all know, I lost my sphincter in a terrible accident. But today as a testement to modern science I stand before you able to control my bowels for hours at a time, thanks to my new goat sphincter." Rita denied reports that he had sold the rights to his story to NBC but did confirm that he was in talks with Playgirl, to discuss a full pictorial debut.