The CIA on Monday released new information about the spy known as Guido, in an effort to halt his reign of espionage and debauchery. According to reports, Guido was raised as Freidrich von Slovenberg Halmenstater Fatenslofen by a clan of harekrishnas until he ran away at the age of two. Guido then spent his formative years on the streets of Belfast playing throat flutes for spare change. At one point he became a street fighter and would hit people with chairs on the street, but quickly found little market for this service. It wasn't until his twelth birthday that his true talent for disguise became known. After contracting a raging case of oral herpes, guido dressed himself up as Queen Elizabeth in order to hide his illness. He was so succesful doing it that a new career was born. Immediately Russian Intelligence sequestered him away and little is known beyond that. Guy Smiley, Head of CIA operations, had the following statement. "We know he likes pimento cheese, vodka martinis, and little girls but really that's about it."