(Havanah, Cuba)
Cuba's flamboyant primer cigar roller, Elton Juan, defected to the US during a recent convention in Miami. Elton was renowned for his ability to "pack it in tighter then anyone in Cuba" and for his special cigar the "little brown torpedo”. The Cuban announced that he was seeking asylum in America due to being persecuted for undisclosed personal matters. "I jus wan live in America and be free to do what I wan with who I wan," said Elton. Recently the media had speculated that Elton had been in an involved relationship with Fidel that had ended abruptly. Foreign diplomat to Cuba, James Noflinger, reported that problems seemed to begin when Fidel started taking Viagra. "Suddenly the dictator was screwing everything in site," said Noflinger. "When Elton decided to get back by sleeping with the tyrants pool boy, I guess things really started getting hairy." Elton was born Rodriguez Chanzes in 1972, the son of a son of a cigar roller. After changing his name to Elton Juan, He began to rise to prominence in the early 80's when a high ranking official caught a glance of the young boys "little brown torpedo" and began spreading word of its greatness. Soon Fidel caught wind of it and thus the relationship blossomed. After Elton's recent defection Jessie Jackson was depolyed to Cuba to ease the dictators sorrow. "Fidel is in severe distress, duress and psychological stress," said the Reverend. "I showed him Jesse’s torpedo but it only eased his pain a little."