Atlanta Braves mascot 'Mooner' being escorted off the field | Associated Press by Richard Head Continuing what has been an already embarrssing month for the Atlanta Braves, maters only got worse as their new mascot was unveiled to great public disapproval. After decades of batteling civilrights groups over the use their mascot and in an age of political correctness, Braves owner Ted Turner felt as is it were time for a change. "I just don't see how our mascot is offensive to native americans. Hell if I were indian, I'd still be carrying around a tomahawk. Then you go and get a new mascot and it offends someone elsa. Maybe we should just become the Atlanta piles of shit, I sure as hell don't know any crap that would be offended by that." The new mascot, which was to be known simply as 'Mooner' was a thirty year old hobo looking gentelman. At first the crowd was enthusiastic as he ran on to the field and began triping over the bases, rolling around in the dirt and chugging beers. By the third inning however, it was apparent that mooner was becoming inebriated as he began flipping the bird indiscremenately towards the crowd, grabbing his crotch, and yelling obscenities at the top of his voice. By the fifth inning, the crowd really |
| began to turn on him as he clubbed the opposing teams mascot, the San Diego chicken, from behind. "He'd been given me the stink eye all night," said mooner at a press conference after the game. "After I'd whacked him real good, I told him I was gonna take a dump on his head. I reckon that's about the time them two guys came and drug me off." Ted Turner was undecided if mooner would return and said it would probably be a game time decision. | |