(China)
Former Cuban refugee Rita, currently a Cuban envoy to China, had a historic meeting with former Chinese President Jiang Zemin. "Having grown up in communist Cuba, i was able to explain to Jiang the importance of our two countries sharing technology and resources," said Rita. "I told him my story about Elian tricking me into leaving Cuba and about our shipwreck and later about getting shot and having the worlds first sphincter transplant. I told Jiang that Cuba was truly the land of the free and that our medical advances were amazing," stated Rita. "Later he asked me to show him my sphincter which had been translplanted from a goat and he even asked if he could probe it to check its tone." Jiang spoke on national television and told China that a new day was on the horizon. "I have seen with my eyes and touched with my hands the future of China. Thanks to our allies in Cuba, communism will continue to prosper. From this day forward all of China will have access to the finest Cuban cigars and goat sphincters on the planet."